What if VPN Providers were GOT Characters?

  • Last updated May 17, 2024
  • written by

The internet world of today may be dark and full of terrors, but the fantasy world of Game of Thrones makes our lives worth living.

From hate to love, excitement to fear, pride to oh, dear lord of light, Game of Thrones has everything.

With multiple storylines running simultaneously with no clear-cut hero character, does somewhat relates to the VPNs of today trying to save the world against cybercriminals, hackers, and ISPs, with no clear-cut leader in the industry.

The complexity of each GOT character makes it all more interesting. Right characters are kind of good people but mostly not, similar to how VPNs pretend to keep ‘zero logs’ but are selling your data to third-party buyers.

To all the Wildlings of the internet out there who haven’t had much experience of using a VPN, I’ve given a taste by relating each Game of Thrones character with a VPN provider

Have a look!

Jon ‘Knows Nothing’ Express


Nickname: Lord Snow, King in the North

House: Targaryen

Stick’em with the pointy end

Later in the seasons we learnt that Jon Snow is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne and has Targaryen blood running in his veins.

Being a user of a VPN, we all grew up learning that ExpressVPN has the rightful ingredients to be the best VPN of them all.

It is the #1 Trusted Leader in the industry, so does Jon Snow a.k.a. Aegon Targaryen who is trusted amongst Northmen and Wildlings.


On the way to his self-realization, Jon Snow had the honor to become Lord Commander and the King in the North.

Apart from being recalled as a trusted leader, ExpressVPN has many new titles such as Ultra Secure VPN, High Speed VPN, and many more.

Jon Snow does everything right and the same goes for ExpressVPN.

It has blazing-fast servers, serious security, and easy-to-use and install. The logo of ExpressVPN in red in color that depict its blazing-fast speed and so is the sigil of Targaryen family having 3 dragons head breathing fire.


He is prophesized as the Azor Ahai, a savior that will protect all humanity. ExpressVPN is expected to save this world from the wrath of cybercriminals, ISPs, hackers, and the government.

Apparently, Jon Snow knows nothing and so does ExpressVPN, as it knows nothing about sites you visit and internet you explored.

See the resemblance?

Daenerys Sharkaryen


House: Targaryen

Nickname: Khaleesi

All men must die, but we are not men

Daenerys of House Targaryen is the most important and loved character in the entire GOT.

What makes her being loved by everyone is not because she is the daughter of some King, but because she always rises to the occasion whenever she faces hardships.


Dany is loved and feared at the same time, so is Surfshark VPN. Surfshark is the newly emerging VPN that launched its operation last year.

Daenerys also visited Westeros for the first time last year in Season 7. She is new to the South and so is Surfshark in the VPN industry.


Oh… Yes!!! Not to mention, Daenerys has 3 large dragons that play an important role in her rise to power. Similarly, Surfshark VPN has 3 most important features that are unique in the VPN industry.

These 3 features are CleanWeb, Whitelister, and connection to Unlimited Devices.

The CleanWeb feature prevents ads, trackers, and malware to attack your device, Witelister feature is good for using mobile banking apps, and it lets you connect unlimited devices with 1 account.

Surfshark is also feared by many VPNs that wants to claim the Iron Throne for themselves as do other characters in GOT. But we all know Dany has better claim to the throne than anyone except Jon.

Athjahakar Nord – Me nem nesa (Powerful ‘Nord’ – It is Known)


Nickname: The Great Khal

Khal vos zigereo adoroon anevasoe maan. Me zigeree sajosoon disse

(A Khal does not need a chair to sit upon. He only needs a horse)

Robert Baratheon once said, ‘It is foolish to fight Dothraki’s in an open land’. Similarly, it is foolish for anyone to intercept your online data in an open internet when you’re using NordVPN.

It has the strongest VPN encryption in the entire VPN industry. It has a double VPN encryption that gives an extra layer of privacy.

Who would want to mess with that?


Khal Drogo was the greatest Khal who ever lived beyond the Narrow Sea. The youngest Warlord who has never been defeated in the battle.

The Dothraki are divided into several clans known as Khalasaars and Khal Drogo was believed to have the biggest Khalasaar.

NordVPN may have limited presence in 62 countries, just like Dothraki’s who are only spread across the Narrow Sea, but it has the largest number of servers i.e. 5,000 just like Khal Drogo’s Khalasaars, larger in number.


NordVPN’s vulnerability is ‘slow streaming’. Because of higher encryption, it simultaneously reduces internet speed.

Dothrakhi’s also have a vulnerability of their own as they’re afraid of the ocean, or any water that their horses cannot drink.

Thus, slowing them down in conquering Westeros. If slow streaming weren’t the problem, NordVPN would have conquered the VPN industry.

Hide My Eunuch Ass



Nickname: The Spider, Eunuch

Storms come and go, the big fish eat the little fish, and I keep on paddling

Varys is known for his knowledge and all the whispers he receives from his ‘little birds’.

He has thousands of informants or what he calls little birds spread across all continents just like HideMyAss VPN, which has presence in 190+ countries.

None of the VPN providers in the industry have presence in so many different countries as HMA. It even offers servers in North Korea.

Varys is also a great keeper of secrets. He was the one to hide Tyrion in a box and protect him from any harm.


But at the start, one would say he did betrayed Daenerys by revealing about her unborn child to Robert Baratheon.

Same is the case with HideMyAss when LulzSec hacker got exposed through an FBI investigation because he thought HideMyAss would hide his activities.

However, how adverse may be the circumstances, he keeps paddling all the way.

Now that he has teamed up with Daenerys, he grows stronger by the moment just like HideMyAss which is now been acquired by Avast Family, the largest and most trusted security company in the world.

King ‘Pure-Hearted’ Slayer


House: Lannister

Nickname: KingSlayer

Things I do for Love

Jamie Lannister was born to the ancestral stronghold of House Lannister i.e. Casterly Rock which is located on the rocky promontory overlooking the sunset sea, similar to where PureVPN is based i.e. Hong Kong, also located by the South China Sea.

When we were introduced to Jamie Lannister, we took him as arrogant and ego maniac, with a perverse family dynamic.


His transformation over the course of time has led us to believe that he’s actually a good man.

Gradually we realized how much charm the King Slayer held and how much we all fall in love with the man for his fair treatment of his little brother Tyrion.

PureVPN when launched its service in 2007, it only started with 2 servers and later expanded it to 16 locations by 2008. Currently, it has a network of 6500+ servers and is available in 140+ countries.

Gradually, it has acquired all of the latest technology and features that are required in an advanced VPN.

One prospect of Jamie Lannister that is strikingly similar to PureVPN is his past.

Whatever good things he would possibly do for the realm in the future, he would always be remembered as a King Slayer.

He was a member of a KingsGuard, bound to protect the King, and he stabbed him in the back.

Remember the incident when PureVPN handed out connectivity logs to law enforcements against Ryan Lin who was accused of cyberbullying and harassing?

Yup, PureVPN is still blamed for that, even when it was only connectivity logs that doesn’t even share your internet activity.

Jamie killed the Mad King only to prevent millions from dying that were living in the city and so did PureVPN who prevented many people becoming Ryan Lin’s victim.

Little ‘Vypr’ Finger


Nickname: ‘Littlefinger’

House: Baelish

Chaos is a Ladder

Chaos is all Petyr Baelish wants, a distraction along with his dirty schemes to get to the Iron Throne.

The first ladder he ever climbed was to control the Vale by becoming the Lord of Arryn by murdering Jon Arryn, the Hand of the King with the help of Lysa Arryn.

200w_d (3)

What’s legal and illegal doesn’t count when he’s onto something. The same goes for VyprVPN which claims to be the best VPN for Torrenting.

When you hear the sound of the word Torr-en-ti-ng, there’s always something fishy about it.


Because it’s considered illegal in most parts of the world. VyprVPN has highly optimized P2P servers that gives you outstanding download and upload speed.

If you’re worried that your online identity might be compromised when downloading torrents, then VyprVPN has the answer of that as well.

With AES 256 bit encryption, 100% privacy is guaranteed. User can remain hidden while downloading Torrents with VyprVPN just like Littlefinger poisoning Rob Arryn and getting away with it.


There’s something fishy about VyprVPN as well.

Its suspicious logging policy can stab you in the back and that’s what happened with Ned Stark when he trusted Littlefinger with his plan. The next day we all know he was rotting in a cell.


What can you expect from a deceptor?

You could be served legal notices by your internet provider or that’s what we hear from customers all around.

Littlefinger to all the Ned Stark of the internet ‘I did warn you not to trust me’.

Halfman Chip


House: Lannister

Nickname: The Imp, Halfman

That’s what I do. I drink and I know things

He may be the Imp, the Halfman, or the black sheep of the Lannister family, but he’s twice as smart as a well-grown man and funny as hell.

What Tyrion lacks in size, he more than makes up for his intelligence, judgment, and vision.


Some VPNs perform average when used on PC’s, but some VPNs such as Private Internet Access work extraordinarily well in umm… smaller devices… such as mobile phones and tablets.

In the entire GOT seasons, Tyrion always manages to escape from tight spots.

He has managed to escape from Trial by Combat twice, nearly avoided eaten by a dragon in the dungeons, and not to forget how he escaped the rage of Shagga son of Dolf, the leader of the Stone Crows.

200w_d (5)

Having said that, Private Internet Access has also been at the same tight spot on a few occasions. At one time, there was this FBI Case where a person was accused of hacking into several local media websites who was using Private Internet Access to remain anonymous online.

When the owner of PIA John Allan was called to testify, he told the court that his company could not be of any assistance because they do not retain logs of customers.

So, technically this VPN has seen some tough phases but has always emerged stronger.

Jorah ‘The Bear’ Mormont


House: Mormont

Sigil: Bear

Nickname: Jorah the Andal

As a starter, the sigil of House Mormont goes well with the TunnelBear brand logo itself.

Jorah Mormont is the rightful heir to the Bear Islands where he lived all his life until he became an outlaw by selling slaves in the North to provide for his greedy wife.

Jorah mo

Tunnel Bear is a freemium VPN, meaning that it offers best free VPN services but only for up to 500 MB.

Jorah Mormont went to offer his services to Daenerys when she was married to Khal Drogo, he portrayed himself as a loyal servant bound to serve the rightful Queen, but we eventually got to know that he wasn’t doing it for free after all.

He was doing it for a Pardon Letter from Robert Baratheon if he spied on her.


Also, TunnelBear has a feature called GhostBear that hides the fact that you’re using a VPN connection from ISPs, hackers, and even the government.

But what Jorah did, was only to hide it from Daenerys and he got exiled on two occasions. No thanks to Tyrion, the second time.

10-Eyed Raven


House: Stark

Nickname: Three-Eyed Raven

IPVanish claims to be the fastest and so does Brandon Stark, he’s almost everywhere at the same time.

He sees visions from the past, the present, and the future simultaneously, that’s the feature IPVanish is very good at.

It is the only VPN provider that gives you access to use it on 10 different devices simultaneously with one subscription.

Nothing’s hidden from Bran. Every website available on the internet, IPVanish gives you complete access to these censored websites and apps. But everything that you do online, you remain anonymous.

Bran Stark

There’s no way of knowing what Bran sees in his visions. He could dwell into your past and recall scenes of your wedding night or can expose your treachery to the Warden of the North.

Remember what Three-Eyed-Raven once told Bran? ‘You’ll never walk again, but you’ll fly’.

IPVanish is certainly flying off the charts and successfully and is on the verge of becoming the best VPN service.

The Takeaway

So who gets to sit on the Iron Throne? Or let’s say… who rules the VPN industry with the potential of many best VPN services, is still debatable.

With the last Game of Thrones season 8 on its way, we will finally get to see who lives, who dies, who rules, and who gets to live on the other side of the wall as a white walker.

Our questions will soon be answered when the season premieres on April 14th.

tenor (2)

There are tons of other VPN services in the industry and so does many GOT characters from the book ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’.

If you have any suggestion as to which GOT character relates to the traits of a VPN provider, just post a comment below and we’ll add to it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *